It has been just about 3 weeks since I have landed in my new Colombian home. The transition has been full of beauty and darkness, difficulties and light. Every day I wake up I am full of new emotions, feelings and thoughts. Leaving everything you know to come to a new country is not easy. No matter how ready I tried to be, nothing has prepared my soul for what I would begin to find her.
I am incredibly busy at the moment going through my intensive English teacher training. At one point during my 2nd week I lay in bed in near absolute panic as I was unable to sleep even though I desperately needed it for all the work I needed to do the next day. My yoga and meditation had taken a back seat to all the homework I had. I had not even attempted to write since arriving in Colombia (and understand for me, that is a long time). Near tears and already considering giving up on my course, I whipped out my new notebook and began to write.
Below is an expert from my journal. Written from myself, to myself. But also to everyone else going through change, going through the struggle of transformation. I hope you know how proud I am of you all because I know change is not easy.
June 16th 2016
“I am under an insane amount of stress right now. Crash and burn is to be expected. Stay strong Katie J. The best part about you and fire is that when things burn, you are like a freaking phoenix and RISE from the ashes.
-Burning off layers hurts
-Changing into a new form hurts,
-Transformation takes time.
But this process started a long time ago, and there is no choice but to let the flames do their work on your mind body and soul. BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF.
Look at how far I’ve come and how much stress I’ve been under. Give yourself credit for even being here. And when the tears come at 2am and I am tossing and turning and panic is rising in my entire body, know that it is to be expected. Do what I can do sooth my mind and give myself patience and remember to breathe. Work with the pain, not against it. This moon cycle is not about making things easy, it is about change and transformation. Redefining my comfort zone.
Smile through the tears and exhaustion. It is so over said but true; what doesn’t kill you makes your stronger. And when you have asked for incredible, strength, you have to realize that you are going to need to burn away the old so you can become something new to hold that amazing power.
Patience. Breath. Respect. Gratitude
Hold your head high, you got this.”
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*Much peace and love to everyone going through challenging times in their life. Know that no matter how far, we are not along on this journey.
~ The light in me honors and respects the light in each of you ~Namatse
What instieful and beautiful writing.