Tonight’s Mysore practice was really something different for me as I have never practiced yoga like this before. To me it felt much more like a moving meditation. I felt like I ended up much more in the “zone” than I usually do. My zone was also a little different than it normally is. With my first class tomorrow I had a few things on my mind that gave this practice an unusual spin. I noticed I spent a lot more time trying to feel out “yoga” from a new students perspective. I challenged myself to find an edge more internally than externally, finding more depth in everything I did rather than racing ahead to reach further. I felt much more grounded by the end of the sequence and excited to share this energy teaching tomorrow.I am a very independent person at times and I LOVE my at home, solo yoga practice. I feel like this was a wonderful addition to my routine and I plan on using it again in the future. However, I do very much look forward to when I can practice this sequence with everyone in a the studio.
And speaking of our studio, doing this sequence the night before we are 1/2 done with the teacher training has left me thinking a lot about our progress. How far we have come and how far we have yet to go. I know I still struggle with myself, why I am not up at 6am every morning practicing for an hour before work, why I choose blue cheese dressing instead of a non dairy product, why I stay up so late on Facebook or watching whatever TV show I am into at the moment. I have noticed this week I have been questioning myself more and more about each and every choice I make and why I am not living a “perfect” life after all these hours and teaching and training and reading and studying and caring. This is is so incredible important to me and yet I still find myself wasting time, drinking a beer with friends, eating nachos and watching TV. I have wondered, “what is going on! Will I ever change?”
During my practice tonight however, I reached a moment where I saw, not all the shortcomings I felt I still have, but realizing how much progress I have made. That I do get up early for 20 minutes of yoga in the morning before my 8am job. And although it isn’t an hour long practice, for me, who is NOT a morning person, the fact that I do this multiple times a week is HUGE. I am learning to eat consciously, not just grabbing whatever snack to endlessly snack on because it is available, but to eat with purpose, giving respect for where the food has come from and where it is going in my body. I see how much more strength my entire yoga practice, mind, body and soul has become. I know that the path I have started on will only lead me higher and higher. That sometimes when I look around and feel frustrated because I still see the things I am lacking in, I also see all the steps I am taking to improve myself as a creature on this planet the best I can.
I have chosen Ahimsa and Courage recently as mantras I have thought about for both this lunar cycle and for teaching tomorrow. Reminding myself to be kind to myself first, I can not do anything for the rest of the world so long as I dont treat myself with respect. And courage, to be the spirit warrior I know that I am. To do my part to help this world out one loving smile at a time. To know that past habits do not define who I am as I am blasting from the chains of my past and creating a vibrant world around for me to thrive in. I realize truly that any doubt I have for a moment about myself and my life is being overshadowed at such a fast rate because of who I know I really am. This training is helping me learn how to complete myself. To give myself courage to be my true authentic self, full of compassion, wisdom and power to bring beautiful things into the world. I can remind myself that real, true, lasting change does not come overnight. That it comes with sticking with beliefs over and over and over again. I know what I believe, and I know that I am sticking with it.
For tonight, all my insights, and everything you have helped bring to light into my life I truly THANK YOU. You continue to help me see and believe this is a beautiful world worth fighting for.
Namaste
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